Monday, November 15, 2010
I so suck at this blogging thing ...
Anyhoo..its been another year since I've updated this .
This past year has been interesting to say the least. I finally took my Nursing Boards..passed at the minumum questions asked..thought I failed because it shut off so soon and sure enough I cried when I found out I passed. WIN! for me! :)
After passing the boards I have found finding a nursing job in my area is not as easy..got hired this past summer started this fall and it was seasonal so now that is done and Im back to my searching . Fun times.
Kids are big..
Bree is now 16 a junior in HS...she is a Varstiy Football Cheerleader , shot put/discus thrower(lol) and runner ( like her MAMA!!! WOOT!) She has had her share of ups and downs in the boyfriend department..hoping she does not fall for any of their crap and learns from what her Mama has gone through. So far she is doing great in school...has the usual classes PLUS she is attending out local BOCES Cosmatology Program started this fall. Im so proud of her !
Ethan is now 9 ....4th Grade...getting tall...reading like a CHAMP finally(YEaaa!!) and he loves his Star Wars n Legos still like he did at 5 ..sweetest kindest kiddo ever I tell you he is gonna be a catch when he is an adult and finds the right girl. Signed him up for Little LEague instead of Soccer this past spring/summer..he LOVED it and was absolutely amazing at pitching and batting..my lil Jeter wanna be hehe.
Grace is now 6. She is in 1st Grade and loves her new teacher . She loves school and her friends. I think I have a mini me on hand though with the horse loving...she is INFATUATED with horses..anything horses...she is more interested in them then clothing. Thats how much she loves the equine .ha.. Quite the stubborn child she is though..the bully girl at least to EJ she is.
Calla Bug..has turned 2..and still has yet to meet her donor father..which wont ever happen.
She is an amazing and beautiful strong and stubborn toddler. Smart but a lil behind in speech. She starts getting help with speech soon...2 times a week.
I am doing ok...alot of health issues Im trying to not think about right now. Have been going to Roswell Park and getting testing done hopefully sooner than later . Thyroid issues for sure so more than likely half or all of my thyroid is coming out..which the oncologists are waiting on the other doctors to rule other things out prior to taking it...its becoming a shit storm and really pissing and stressing me out.
Got back into running last winter/spring and have tried to keep at it through all this sickness and fatigue..it only makes it worse when I dont run so I am keeping on keeping on. Bree starts Winter Track today so we will be running together more..and I may even be practicing with her team and her this winter to fit in some when its white and nasty out.
Still going at it with my fabric art and dyeing....between jobs I am attempting to get them up..would like to start my website up again sometime down the road.
Other than that we are still here...alive..well..happy...and well..living life.
The only thing besides my health worries I can really whine about right now is... I just miss my Mom...I miss my family..my heart breaks each and every time I see a pic of her..and /or if I see pics of my father on my sisters Facebook pages..it kills me. I miss them all. (Mom is gone...Dad lives 6 hrs away)
My other sisters are in Scotsdale AZ...Becky is coming this week..definately a positive thing to look forward to.
Oh and I met someone couple months back..he is an amazing guy...great loving...we share the same faith AND...get this..birthdays. :)
This past year has been interesting to say the least. I finally took my Nursing Boards..passed at the minumum questions asked..thought I failed because it shut off so soon and sure enough I cried when I found out I passed. WIN! for me! :)
After passing the boards I have found finding a nursing job in my area is not as easy..got hired this past summer started this fall and it was seasonal so now that is done and Im back to my searching . Fun times.
Kids are big..
Bree is now 16 a junior in HS...she is a Varstiy Football Cheerleader , shot put/discus thrower(lol) and runner ( like her MAMA!!! WOOT!) She has had her share of ups and downs in the boyfriend department..hoping she does not fall for any of their crap and learns from what her Mama has gone through. So far she is doing great in school...has the usual classes PLUS she is attending out local BOCES Cosmatology Program started this fall. Im so proud of her !
Ethan is now 9 ....4th Grade...getting tall...reading like a CHAMP finally(YEaaa!!) and he loves his Star Wars n Legos still like he did at 5 ..sweetest kindest kiddo ever I tell you he is gonna be a catch when he is an adult and finds the right girl. Signed him up for Little LEague instead of Soccer this past spring/summer..he LOVED it and was absolutely amazing at pitching and batting..my lil Jeter wanna be hehe.
Grace is now 6. She is in 1st Grade and loves her new teacher . She loves school and her friends. I think I have a mini me on hand though with the horse loving...she is INFATUATED with horses..anything horses...she is more interested in them then clothing. Thats how much she loves the equine .ha.. Quite the stubborn child she is though..the bully girl at least to EJ she is.
Calla Bug..has turned 2..and still has yet to meet her donor father..which wont ever happen.
She is an amazing and beautiful strong and stubborn toddler. Smart but a lil behind in speech. She starts getting help with speech soon...2 times a week.
I am doing ok...alot of health issues Im trying to not think about right now. Have been going to Roswell Park and getting testing done hopefully sooner than later . Thyroid issues for sure so more than likely half or all of my thyroid is coming out..which the oncologists are waiting on the other doctors to rule other things out prior to taking it...its becoming a shit storm and really pissing and stressing me out.
Got back into running last winter/spring and have tried to keep at it through all this sickness and fatigue..it only makes it worse when I dont run so I am keeping on keeping on. Bree starts Winter Track today so we will be running together more..and I may even be practicing with her team and her this winter to fit in some when its white and nasty out.
Still going at it with my fabric art and dyeing....between jobs I am attempting to get them up..would like to start my website up again sometime down the road.
Other than that we are still here...alive..well..happy...and well..living life.
The only thing besides my health worries I can really whine about right now is... I just miss my Mom...I miss my family..my heart breaks each and every time I see a pic of her..and /or if I see pics of my father on my sisters Facebook pages..it kills me. I miss them all. (Mom is gone...Dad lives 6 hrs away)
My other sisters are in Scotsdale AZ...Becky is coming this week..definately a positive thing to look forward to.
Oh and I met someone couple months back..he is an amazing guy...great loving...we share the same faith AND...get this..birthdays. :)
Thursday, October 1, 2009
It's time I start to blog again...
It has now been a year since Calla came into our lives..shes 1 year old! With that comes some serious sadness that my baby is growing up..as well as the reminder that her father has not had one thing to do with her.
Not to mention I have been fervently looking for a new home/apartment for my kids and myself. Bree and I both have been diagnosed with asthma...and we all are becoming more and more ill from this hell hole of a place we call home. The prejudices of being a single mother of 4 children really shows now that I have had to look for a new place...most people feel its THEIR opinion that their home isn't "big enough" for us to reside in...then there is the comment that they don't think I can "afford" it....and then theres those silent ones who let ya apply and never contact you again...they just dont have the balls to tell you no. I also...trully believe my married last name has been a big factor...its a Hispanic last name...so yea...sorta shows the ignorance of people .
I just broke down bawling tonight because this last rental owner didn't call me back..I called again and I got every excuse in the book..I even PLEADED with him..that we are sick. No give..we are to much for his 3 bedroom apartment.
:( The house is getting worse and worse...its enclosed more because of the cold weather..we had a constant leak of water coming from under the sink and its a constant battle of cleaning that up.who knows what molds are growing in that sink surround...its wooden..soaked..andits been months.Landlord who?what?yea..exactly.
The drain pipe for the washer is permenantly plugged deep within the house...so after paying70 or so $$ to a plumbing company to find THIS out..I am trully screwed..and left to do 30-40$worth of laundry a week..not to mention buying disposable diapers ....because I cant wash my diapers at the l.mat.
I have to get out of this house..like 3 months ago..we were asked to be out by middle of this month..and no dice. Anyone who thinks they have it bad...they just dont know the powerless feeling of not knowing where your kids and yourself may be living next. Not cool at all.
Not to mention I have been fervently looking for a new home/apartment for my kids and myself. Bree and I both have been diagnosed with asthma...and we all are becoming more and more ill from this hell hole of a place we call home. The prejudices of being a single mother of 4 children really shows now that I have had to look for a new place...most people feel its THEIR opinion that their home isn't "big enough" for us to reside in...then there is the comment that they don't think I can "afford" it....and then theres those silent ones who let ya apply and never contact you again...they just dont have the balls to tell you no. I also...trully believe my married last name has been a big factor...its a Hispanic last name...so yea...sorta shows the ignorance of people .
I just broke down bawling tonight because this last rental owner didn't call me back..I called again and I got every excuse in the book..I even PLEADED with him..that we are sick. No give..we are to much for his 3 bedroom apartment.
:( The house is getting worse and worse...its enclosed more because of the cold weather..we had a constant leak of water coming from under the sink and its a constant battle of cleaning that up.who knows what molds are growing in that sink surround...its wooden..soaked..andits been months.Landlord who?what?yea..exactly.
The drain pipe for the washer is permenantly plugged deep within the house...so after paying70 or so $$ to a plumbing company to find THIS out..I am trully screwed..and left to do 30-40$worth of laundry a week..not to mention buying disposable diapers ....because I cant wash my diapers at the l.mat.
I have to get out of this house..like 3 months ago..we were asked to be out by middle of this month..and no dice. Anyone who thinks they have it bad...they just dont know the powerless feeling of not knowing where your kids and yourself may be living next. Not cool at all.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Waah Waahhh wahhhh...
..thats all I feel like my brain does..is think of all the negative things in my life that it can whine about/ aka worry me.
I hate that close to everything that happens to me almost always is negative. It makes me ill really ...so ill to the point of not wanting to tell anyone anything anymore. I wind up paranoid that I will push my friends away by telling them things that have happend to me or are happening. Its like I am that friend we all get annoyed with that has nothing good to say. Dont get me wrong I WANT so damn badly to have a ton of good things to brag about but for some reason the bad just clouds that lil bit that happens...that being my kiddos. This is dragging me down as a mom...this negative life of mine. I want it to be done...all the negatives...I want the positive to start and never end.
Being scared right now is I guess normal for someone in my shoes however deep down I am scared shitless ...I cannot focus on it ...at least I can try to not focus on it. Gotta keep myself busy with my kids and crafting...cleaning but more so the kids and crafting. Lord knows I hate cleaning..lol.
Besides that I need to keep my brain off of computer land...sans my email and this blog I feel I get tempted to "check" and we all know what happens when I do...I get sick..upset...hurt all .over.again. Like for instance tonight. ...I was bored just got CBug to bed...nothing was going on online so I figured I would check my Plenty of Fish page and sure as shit I logged out and was tempted to search his screen name...I peeked at him. His whole profile page has now been changed to like 2-3 paragraphs about HIM and how he is and how great he is and how he likes to do this or that with his girl( mentioned special things he did with me..that hurt) Then went on to mention how he has been lied to by SOO many girls in his relationships that he cannot trust anyone right now...and how he hides things etc....
Anyhow it made me ill...so I shutt down the puter ..I went and sew'd up some pants for my friends son and after that got back on...to write this lovely blog entry and whine.
Hence the begining of this blog entry. Whine..waahh wahhh wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
goind to try and sleep. I want to cry and be held right now honestly...sigh
I hate that close to everything that happens to me almost always is negative. It makes me ill really ...so ill to the point of not wanting to tell anyone anything anymore. I wind up paranoid that I will push my friends away by telling them things that have happend to me or are happening. Its like I am that friend we all get annoyed with that has nothing good to say. Dont get me wrong I WANT so damn badly to have a ton of good things to brag about but for some reason the bad just clouds that lil bit that happens...that being my kiddos. This is dragging me down as a mom...this negative life of mine. I want it to be done...all the negatives...I want the positive to start and never end.
Being scared right now is I guess normal for someone in my shoes however deep down I am scared shitless ...I cannot focus on it ...at least I can try to not focus on it. Gotta keep myself busy with my kids and crafting...cleaning but more so the kids and crafting. Lord knows I hate cleaning..lol.
Besides that I need to keep my brain off of computer land...sans my email and this blog I feel I get tempted to "check" and we all know what happens when I do...I get sick..upset...hurt all .over.again. Like for instance tonight. ...I was bored just got CBug to bed...nothing was going on online so I figured I would check my Plenty of Fish page and sure as shit I logged out and was tempted to search his screen name...I peeked at him. His whole profile page has now been changed to like 2-3 paragraphs about HIM and how he is and how great he is and how he likes to do this or that with his girl( mentioned special things he did with me..that hurt) Then went on to mention how he has been lied to by SOO many girls in his relationships that he cannot trust anyone right now...and how he hides things etc....
Anyhow it made me ill...so I shutt down the puter ..I went and sew'd up some pants for my friends son and after that got back on...to write this lovely blog entry and whine.
Hence the begining of this blog entry. Whine..waahh wahhh wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
goind to try and sleep. I want to cry and be held right now honestly...sigh
Monday, February 9, 2009
...and we may have made progress ...
...sigh.
As I sit here watching Aquamarine with Grace I realize after so many months/years of being ignored by doctors about my should issues...neck issues that then led into eye problem that started during pregnancy and moved onto hand weakness and funny fingers...I NOW have a step in the right direction ...unfortunately that included a long emotional trip to the ER.
After all the tests...Neck MRI...CT Scan....etc...I have been told I more then likely have MS.
...and the battle to be the strongest mama alive continues....
As I sit here watching Aquamarine with Grace I realize after so many months/years of being ignored by doctors about my should issues...neck issues that then led into eye problem that started during pregnancy and moved onto hand weakness and funny fingers...I NOW have a step in the right direction ...unfortunately that included a long emotional trip to the ER.
After all the tests...Neck MRI...CT Scan....etc...I have been told I more then likely have MS.
...and the battle to be the strongest mama alive continues....
Friday, February 6, 2009
To everything there is a season....
...and please tell me when that season of mine will come??!
Last Saturday he called...he is trying to get into my head and/or trying to twist his way into not paying as much as I want for child support. Thing is...I might of let him off the hook on the amount had he been involved in his lil baby girls life...and asked about her..then maybe ..just maybe( enter in Borat themed voice) I just might of took the lesser.
He did not ask of Calla...not once during either conversations..its just wrong..sad. Especially when he mentions he doesn't want to pay the bigger sum because it might"dip into what he has to pay his ex wife and kids" ..well ummm...HELLO!! shes also your daughter....no difference ...well ok one difference is he walked away from her.
Anyhow.. I need to move..I need to find an affordable IN LIVABLE condition apartment or house..my search has been ongoing since last spring..still no luck. Not sure as to what is happening. The landlord sucks...and he is getting foreclosed on..fun fun...not.
Kids are good...well besides the viral sickies good. Tomorrow we are sledding up at Heidi n Mikes...girlie sledding party...should be fun...as long as she makes them all get bundled up themselves of course.
I need to find my motivation and go with it. ...like asap.
Last Saturday he called...he is trying to get into my head and/or trying to twist his way into not paying as much as I want for child support. Thing is...I might of let him off the hook on the amount had he been involved in his lil baby girls life...and asked about her..then maybe ..just maybe( enter in Borat themed voice) I just might of took the lesser.
He did not ask of Calla...not once during either conversations..its just wrong..sad. Especially when he mentions he doesn't want to pay the bigger sum because it might"dip into what he has to pay his ex wife and kids" ..well ummm...HELLO!! shes also your daughter....no difference ...well ok one difference is he walked away from her.
Anyhow.. I need to move..I need to find an affordable IN LIVABLE condition apartment or house..my search has been ongoing since last spring..still no luck. Not sure as to what is happening. The landlord sucks...and he is getting foreclosed on..fun fun...not.
Kids are good...well besides the viral sickies good. Tomorrow we are sledding up at Heidi n Mikes...girlie sledding party...should be fun...as long as she makes them all get bundled up themselves of course.
I need to find my motivation and go with it. ...like asap.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Todays ongoings...
Well...today is January 28th...'09. I again have gotten nothing done except make breakfast...switch loads of laundry..got EJ off to school..kept Grace home for her tummy ache ( supposed) and Bree has midterms. Fed Calla Bugger....changed her twice. made coffee...you know the usual. Folded clothes to...
Oh I also passed out meds to EJ ..Calla and myself....It seems like I have done nothing but now that I write it down it isnt really nothing..its something. I want to be super single mom..I want to be able to DO IT ALL. No worries..no stresses...just get r dun.
sigh...
Oh I also passed out meds to EJ ..Calla and myself....It seems like I have done nothing but now that I write it down it isnt really nothing..its something. I want to be super single mom..I want to be able to DO IT ALL. No worries..no stresses...just get r dun.
sigh...
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